(a Mark Coykie editorial entry after reading the book Very British Problems)

Chapter One: The Spark - A Swipe of Fate

Right, let’s be brutally honest: neither of us were looking for a husband when we both swiped right on Tinder back in July 2021. We matched when Coykie was flying to Chicago and Nick to New York. Took us weeks of flirty messages and pictures that won’t be shared here before we finally met IRL. I think Mark just needed someone to vent to about corporate life, and Nick, as a Clinical Psychologist, probably saw him as a fascinating case study. We were both absurdly busy in Dubai, Nick was setting up his fancy wellness company, and I was drowning being Learning & Development finance bro. Naturally, we rarely had time for each other, but we tried to make it anyway.

Our first date, dinner and cocktails at the chic and trendy Americano Bar, was supposed to be a quick polite drink. It quickly devolved into hours of laughter and, despite being from opposite sides of the world, realising we actually had everything in common: music, festivals, a mutual inability to resist a good dance, and, most importantly, food. The digital match was far too successful. Dubai was the backdrop for Chapter One, but we knew it wasn't the final destination.

Chapter Two: The Test - Dubai to Europe (The Real Marathon)

We quickly established a shared dream: a better life outside the desert, ideally somewhere with less sand and more decent pubs. However, life, as it often does, had other ideas. Thanks to the usual bureaucratic faff of visas and careers, Nick made the first dash back to Go West (cue Pet Shop Boys) in January 2023.

This kicked off a deeply irritating year of long-distance love. Three thousand miles, a time difference that made scheduling calls a nightmare, and endless baggage fees. It was a proper test of stamina. We tried to sweeten the deal with bi-monthly trips (mostly just so we could escape the incessant video calls), proving that our dedication was thankfully stronger than the Jet2 flight schedule. We were committed, we were honest (Nick being British helped here, as his default setting is sarcasm and Mark has a master’s degree on complaining), and we discovered our bond was utterly unbreakable. A year apart is a rubbish way to spend your time, but it sorted the men from the boys.

Chapter Three: The Climax - Why Wait? The Glastonbury Proposal

Even while living on different continents, we committed to maximum chaos and fun. Our grandest reunion was our pilgrimage to the hallowed, muddy grounds of the Glastonbury Festival in June 2023.

With the sun not going down on us over the Pyramid Stage, and the absolute legend Sir Elton John began his farewell gig, the moment hit Mark, with the force of a dodgy festival cider. He thought, "We're not getting any younger, and frankly, we’ve already proven we can survive a year of long-distance, so what are we waiting for?" Waiting for a ‘perfect moment’ felt ridiculous. This, surrounded by music, cider and mates, was as perfect as it gets.

At the very start of the gig, I turned to Nick, put on knee down on the hallowed turf of Worthy Farm, and proposed. He barely got the ring out (that we made there that day) before the crowd cheered, and thankfully, Nick shouted YES!

Chapter Four: Together in Electric Dreams - London!

Just a few short months later, the great escape was complete. Mark, managed to officially close the 16-year chapter of working and living in Dubai and made the monumental, terrifying leap to Clapham Old Town, London. I landed with the princess of course, Samantha Jones, and we were finally, permanently, a family unit.

We had traded the blinding desert sun for the comforting grey of London (who would’ve though Mark loves overcast and grey skies over sunny summer), a truly inclusive city where we immediately felt we could thrive, be accepted, and finally stop explaining time zones.

Highlights:

May 2024: We bought a ridiculous amount of colourful furniture and finally settled into Clapham, London where everyone is aggressively 28 years old and works in finance with a cockapoo as a companion.

June 2024: We revisited the scene of the crime at Glastonbury, thankfully without the pressure of having to propose this time.

December 2024: Our first proper British Christmas. We’ve earned it.

Finale:

Five years after that first swipe and just shy of three years after that emotional long-distance challenge, we have managed to pull it off. We're exactly where we’re supposed to be, together in our city, ready for a massive celebration.

And so, to the grand finale! We wouldn't have made it through the long-distance, the visas, or the sheer horror of packing up our lives without you lot. Thank you for being our allies, our friends, and our amazing family.

After five years, two continents, and far too many Zoom calls, we can’t wait to finally cement this ridiculous journey.

We cordially request that you now travel approximately 6,500 miles to the rather spectacular and ridiculously exotic island of Panglao, Bohol in the Philippines, on 10th October 2026.

We understand this is a bit of a trek, so please consider the entire affair your long-overdue holiday.

Do bring your dancing shoes or simply kick them off and feel free to walk barefoot throughout the celebrations. We look forward to celebrating with you all. Just please, try not to complain too much about the jet lag.

See you soon x

Love, Nick and Mark

P.S. If you possess the patience of a saint and are utterly baffled as to how on earth we made it five years, simply scroll down for the pictorial evidence.